Family Connection
Visiting Someone With Dementia: What to Bring, What to Say
A free resource from Sweetwater Groves Residential Assisted Living — Scottsdale, Arizona.
30–60 minutesLast updated 2026-07-29
Some people dread the visit. Not because they love the person less, but because the last few were hard — the same question asked eleven times, the long silences, the moment at the door when they cried and you had to walk to your car anyway.
It helps enormously to go in with a shape for the hour instead of hoping conversation carries it. Bring something. Do something. Leave in a particular way. When the visit has a structure, both of you can relax into it.
And one thing worth holding on to: they may not remember that you came. They will very often remember how the afternoon felt, long after the details are gone. The visit still counts.
There is a free printable sheet at the bottom of this page — no signup, nothing to buy.
Jump to the printableBring something to do with your hands
Arriving empty-handed puts all the weight on conversation, which is usually the hardest part. An object gives you both somewhere to look and something to be doing together.
- •Five photographs, printed and large — not a phone, and not fifty of them
- •Something from their era: a hymnal, a tool, a scarf, a recipe box, a ball cap
- •Food they love, if it is safe for them — something to share, not to watch them eat
- •Music already queued up before you walk in
- •Lotion for a hand massage, and a warm towel if you can manage it
- •Fresh flowers or citrus from your yard — scent arrives before words do
How to open, and how to talk
- •Approach from the front, at eye level, and say your name and connection: "Hi Mom, it's Kate, your daughter." Every time, warmly, without testing.
- •Never open with "do you remember me?" or "do you know who I am?"
- •One idea per sentence. Then wait — longer than feels natural.
- •Ask about feelings and places rather than facts and dates: "Tell me about that house," not "when did you move there?"
- •Go where they are. If they are in 1968, be in 1968 with them.
- •Never correct, never quiz, never say "we just talked about this."
What to do with the silence
Silence is not the visit failing. Companionable quiet is genuinely restful for someone whose brain works hard to keep up with conversation.
Look at photographs. Put music on. Hold a hand. Walk down the hallway. Fold towels together. Sit outside. Sitting side by side with nothing to say is a real visit, and often the one they enjoy most.
Leaving well
The goodbye is what most families dread. A few small choices make it much softer.
- •Do not announce it far in advance — anticipation can build distress
- •Leave them mid-activity: music playing, a snack in front of them, a caregiver just arriving
- •Say something warm and open: "I'll see you soon." Avoid a countdown or a long explanation
- •Hug, then go. A drawn-out departure is harder on both of you
- •Cry in the car if you need to. That is normal and it is not a failure
Bringing children, and visiting in Scottsdale
- •Children visit best in short bursts — twenty minutes, with something to do: a ball, a book, a song they can sing together
- •Tell children beforehand what may happen, in plain words, and let them leave the room when they want to
- •Winter here is a gift for visits — a shaded courtyard, a fountain, and citrus in the air beat a living room every time
- •Summer visits belong to the morning; plan around the 2 p.m. to 6 p.m. heat and restlessness
- •A slow drive past an old neighborhood or through Old Town can be the entire visit, and a very good one
More for Valley families: memory care in Scottsdale, memory support in a residential home, and assisted living near Paradise Valley.
Scottsdale, AZ
Free printable
The Visit Card
The Visit Card
Keep this in the car and read it before you walk in. It is short on purpose — five reminders, nothing to study.
Bring
- Five printed photos (not fifty, not a phone)
- Music, already queued
- Lotion for a hand massage
- Something from their era to hold
- Flowers or citrus — scent arrives first
Open with
- Approach from the front, eye level
- "Hi Mom, it's Kate, your daughter."
- One idea per sentence, then wait
- Never: "Do you remember me?"
When it goes quiet
- That's allowed. Quiet is restful.
- Photos. Music. A hand.
- Walk the hall. Sit outside.
- Fold something together.
Leaving
- Don't announce it early
- Leave them mid-activity
- "I'll see you soon." Then go.
- Cry in the car. That's normal.
Remember
- They may not recall that you came.
- The feeling usually outlasts the memory.
- The visit counted.
Free printable worksheets
Sheets that go with this activity
Each one is tagged by stage, so you can pick the version that fits where your loved one is today. Large print, thick outlines, answer key on its own page.